


You Bet JURASSic This Was A Bad Idea

by orphan_account



Category: Jurassic World (2015), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dinosaurs, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Dinosaurs, How cool is that, I Don't Even Know, Jurassic World spoilers as well, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Steve trains dinos, This will losly follow the films progression, lol oops, tags will be added as it progresses, tony has a kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-04 15:55:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4143702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jurassic World meets the Avengers.</p><p>Tony makes new dinosaurs, has a kid he didn't know about, and kind of has a thing for the guy that trains velociraptors, what could possibly go wrong?</p><p>The answer is literally everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Chapter with the Raptor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GoodSourceofFiber](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodSourceofFiber/gifts).



> OMG so I just seen Jurassic World, which was awesome my friends, a true master piece. The whole thing was great, watch it. So what do I do? I come home and decide "fuck it, write a fic." This will be updated as written, it will have multiple chapters, but for now have a taster.

There were a lot of things in life Tony Stark anticipated, having a long lost child, watching a shit ton of people die, dating a velociraptor trainer, and nearly getting eaten by dinosaurs? None of those things were things he expected, especially the kid part; the getting eaten by dinos was always a possibility, and who wouldn’t fall for his charm? Pepper Potts, oh he remembered her fondly, until she dropped a fucking kid on his doorstep and told him to parent. Bruce and Jane had nearly shit themselves laughing.

“Soo, ugh, what do you like?” he asks the kid who is either a hell of a coincidence or actually his kid because the resemblance is uncanny.

The kid looks at him like he’s grown a second head, which he thinks is offensive because hello? He was an absolute genius; he literally _built_ dinosaurs and brought them to life basically by himself. Bruce and Jane helped, but still, he did most of the leg work and all of the funding. Jurassic World was a reality because of him and people fucking _loved_ Jurassic World, even with a three part movie series that said this was a shit idea. “I like things that don’t include being dropped on some guy’s doorstep with claims that he’s my father,” she snaps, giving him the same tight smile that Pepper did when she didn’t like something that he was doing. Great, so she inherited things from her too. Well that meant anything fun was out.

“Well congrats kid, I didn’t want you either, but here we are,” he says, flinging his arms up. It wasn’t like he asked Pepper to hunt him down after nearly fifteen years with a ‘surprise, you’ve got a kid, take care of it’ before fucking off to do whatever. Bruce and Jane groan and wince in the background, the kid actually looks pretty hurt by his comment and he feels kind of shitty. It wasn’t like he meant that to be offensive, it was just true, he didn’t want kids and now he had one. It was an inconvenience… and yeah, alright, he could see how that was hurtful.

“Look kid, I never wanted kids, Pep knew that. I assume that’s why she didn’t bother telling either one of us about the other until now. Actually I don’t know why she thought that was a good idea, I’m shit at this kind of thing, which you already know because I’ve already managed to completely fuck this up and I didn’t even know you existed until yesterday soo,” he trails off, flapping his hands around.

She looks out the window, clearly pissed off, “well like father like daughter, I fuck everything up too. This is a last resort,” she mumbles under her breath.

“Well kid, I’m pretty well versed in being a disappointment to my father so like; we could bond over that or something. Not that I consider you a disappointment, I don’t even know you, I mean like I’m disappointed about your general existence but that’s different,” he says because Bruce and Jane are making some very sour faces at him.

“Wow, I can see why mom didn’t tell me about you, you clearly are as utterly boring and forgettable as she made you out to be,” she rolls her eyes and stomps past him, bumping into his shoulder as she went.

He had a comment about Pepper not finding even remotely forgettable when they were together but he recognizes that it was meant to hurt his feelings, not to be truthful. He sighs, “okay, I deserved that but come on, we’re in the middle of a dinosaur theme park, there has to be something here that you’d like?” Unless she hated dinosaurs, in which case he was disowning her and sending her back to Pepper. If he had to have a kid that kid had to be at least a little interested in dinosaurs, literally _everyone_ liked dinosaurs, the whole human race would disown her if she didn’t like them so ditching his kid over a lack of shared interest obviously was not bad parenting.

“I hate dinosaurs,” she says and her hand automatically travels up to touch her necklace, which has a dinosaur on it, so did the bracelet she was wearing. Both were presents for Pepper at one point, actually. Huh.

“Okay, then I suggest you toss that necklace, and the bracelet, and the belt,” he says when he spies the belt buckle.

“Fine, I like dinosaurs but I hate you and I don’t want anything to do with you, okay? I was supposed to make a dramatic exit in a huff of anger but you can’t even manage to let me do _that_ right. I haven’t even known you for twenty four hours and you’re already ruining my life!” she yells, throwing her hands up in frustration.

Behind him Bruce snorts, “oh yeah, she’s definitely his kid,” he says. Jane, the goddamn dirty traitor, laughs at that.

“I think it’s a little early for that, don’t you think? I mean I am really good at fucking things up, but not _that_ good, usually it takes at least a week,” he rationalizes. That wasn’t exactly true; he hadn’t had a second date in… ever, actually. The closest to a real relationship he’d ever had was with Pepper and that was based off sex and dinosaurs so it didn’t exactly count for much.

“You literally just told me my existence was disappointing, how could that _not_ ruin my life?” she snaps back, making that face Pepper made when he was being an idiot. This was going to be a very painful experience, he could sense it.

“Okay, but you don’t even know me, why should my opinion matter to you? As far as you know I’m some dead beat asshole who missed fourteen and a half years of your life for no other reason than my own selfishness, which isn’t even false soo,” he trails off with a shrug.

“Well if you knew about me would you have tried?” she asks. There were a whole lot of daddy issues behind that that he didn’t even want to explore; he knew plenty about daddy issues without adding other people’s experiences.

“Yeah I would have tried; I’m an asshole, not a savage. You’d probably be pregnant with your third kid and on crack by now but I still would have tried. Now can we like not do touchy feely stuff and go do, I don’t know, literally anything else?” he asks. Emotion always freaked him out, it was probably why Pepper ran off without telling him she was preggers and never told him about their kid. God, he was so fucked and not even in the way he preferred.

She shrugs, “fine, let’s go look at dinosaurs and stuff. They’re ok,” she says, feigning disinterest.

*

It turned out his kid was actually kind of a genius, though that was hardly a surprise given her genetics, his grandfather, father, and himself were all geniuses and Pepper was no idiot. Still, her understanding of genetics and gene splicing was advanced for her age, advanced for everyone else’s age too. Bruce was jealous, he could sense it. She seemed to enjoy the lab tour, especially Nat, whom she shamelessly flirted with. Guess his kid was a lot like him, the poor kid, that was bound to fuck her over. Thankfully Nat took fetus’ hitting on her better than adult men other wise she’d have a busted nose and he’d have some explaining to do to Pepper.

“So you guys have made, like, a whole new dinosaur by fucking around with genetics? That is so awesome. So what is it, exactly?” she asks, following behind him excitedly. Thank god she liked dinosaurs, maybe she’d spend her time with them instead of him, and they’d at least entertain her without scarring her for life.

“Not sure exactly, I didn’t ask Loki for the specifics, but it’s pretty fucking awesome. Just gotta get Steve to make sure it can’t escape, otherwise it’ll be a whole lot less awesome,” he says distractedly. He didn’t really like dealing with Steve, mostly because they had this weird on again off again sexual encounter thing going on and it confused the shit out of him. Still, it was that or let the dino escape and he wasn’t fond of option two, plus option one had the potential for him to get laid and that was never a bad thing.

He finds Steve with the raptors, as usual, only this time they were much better trained. Last time at least two out of the four weren’t listening at any given time. Now all four looked up at him, attention fixed on his hand, which he was raising and lowering to command them to do various things. Which, awesome, trained velociraptors, how cool was that? Pretty god damn cool if his kid’s face was anything to go by. He was around dinosaurs all day though, so as cool as they were they kind of lost their lustre after awhile, or at least the ones that weren’t new. Same went with the public, hence the new dino exhibit.

He lets Steve finish doing his thing, which has the added benefits of entertaining his kid and putting off what was sure to be an awkward encounter. He spies Zola lurking off in the corner, Steve pointedly ignoring the German idiot. Tony had told him several times that dinosaurs as war weapons was a shit idea, Steve even more times than him and he knew the raptors significantly better than he did. However they were somewhat stuck with the little fucker because he was part of the research team that measured things like intelligence. He was looking into finding a replacement, maybe he’d use his kid, she was pretty smart, smarter than Zola that was for sure.

Steve finishes with the raptors, feeding them their rats and Tony swoops in before Zola gets the chance. He may not know what the fuck was going on with Steve but they had an unspoken rule to save one another from Zola when necessary. Unfortunately Zola doesn’t get the hint, “great, and your both here at once. I think-” he starts but Steve cuts him off.

“The raptors are not war weapons, Zola, and they never will be. Get lost,” he snaps. Zola, most unfortunately, remains unfazed by Steve’s annoyance.

“Oh my god, what kind of idiot thinks raptors would be effective war weapons?” his kid asks. Thank god she had some common fucking sense, if only Zola could grow some too.

“Steve here has proven they can be controlled-” he starts but this time he’s cut off by Tony’s offspring, what was her name? This was embarrassing for him; really, he didn’t even know his own kid’s name.

“Ugh, trainable doesn’t mean controllable, you can train a human, that doesn’t mean you can control one and we don’t eat people. Usually, anyways. Still, dinosaurs are totally shitty weapons to use because they’d eat you, duh,” she says, her facial expression saying everything it needed to about what she thought of Zola. Well look at that, she got that facial expression from him.

Steve snickers, raising an eyebrow at Tony. He totally knew she was his kid, he couldn’t even pretend she was like, a cousin or something. Well this was ass. “It would be wrong not to-“Zola starts and is cut off again.

“No buddy, what’s wrong is those shoes with that sweater,” she says, making a disgusted face and walking off dramatically. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t going to claim she was a cousin now, that was hilarious. His genetics at work didn’t work out as badly as he though it would, that’s always nice.

They follow his kid’s lead and walk off before Zola can start his stupid sales pitch again, “so who is that?” Steve asks, leaning over a bit.

“Ugh, she’s… a kid… my kid, actually. And her name is… something I’m sure,” he looks over to his kid for help here but she looks utterly unimpressed with this development.

“It’s Spencer, Spencer Maria, not that _someone_ paid attention when he was told that,” she says, pointedly looking at him. Okay, so he’d been freaking out about having a kid, sue him for being a little braindead at that particular moment.

“That sounds like a bad sauce option at a shitty Italian restaurant,” he says, automatically resorting to snark to save his ass.

“Oh go fuck yourself,” she snaps.

“I masturbate regularly, there is not need for my fetus to remind me to indulge in myself, thanks,” he totally doesn’t even realize how awful that was until it was too late. Well, if he was gunna fuck this up go big or go home, he guessed.

“So what do you need me for, exactly?” Steve asks, breaking the awkward and disgusted silence.

“Risk assessments mostly, just make sure the new dino exhibit is escape proof, they’re having some issues,” he says, shrugging. Steve already looks unimpressed with their encounter.   


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter, but hey, it's something lol.

Tony drops his irritatingly observant child off at the edge of the park before she asks another uncomfortable question about his and Steve’s lack of a relationship. “You sure it’s wise to let her wander off on her own?” Steve asks as they drive off. 

“She’s like fourteen, I was graduating college at fourteen, I’m sure she can survive on her own. What could possibly go wrong?” he asks. Security was a top priority, anything dangerous was put in the proper kind of enclosure, and he fully expected any kidnappers to return her with a ‘sorry’ note an hour after snatching her.  

Steve looks at him like he’s stupid, “you really want me to explain to you all the ways loosing a fourteen year old on a dinosaur park could go wrong? You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Tony rolls his eyes, this is why he only slept with Steve, he was  _way_  too judgemental and had no idea how to have fun. 

“She’ll be fine, she has a phone, in the off chance something goes wrong I’ll call,” he says, paying more attention to the road than Steve. This conversation was boring him; if he could survive college his kid could survive waiting in line at some attraction.  

“You didn’t know her name but you have her phone number? Apparently that’s a trend for all women in your life,” he mumbles. 

Tony makes a face, “oh my god eww, that was so gross. Do not lump my offspring in with my one night stands, that is wrong on so many levels.” He shudders dramatically for effect.  

“Whatever Tony, your irresponsible parenting is your problem,” Steve mumbles moodily and looks out the window. They sit in silence after that, Tony is sure that it’s meant as a punishment of sorts but it gives him the space to think over the enclosures lay out and any possible weaknesses. This was the kind of thing he was good at, maps, money, genetics, science and engineering in general. It was very much his comfort zone and he appreciated Steve leaving him there.  

They get to the enclosure and Tony scans his ID to get in, Steve following behind, “I should have told you to change, she’s sensitive to smell,” he says as something of an afterthought. Well, it was too late now. Steve mumbles something about Tony’s supposed idiocy and he casually ignores it.  

They get to the viewing space with the control panel to the rest of the enclosure and Steve automatically starts looking around. “What is this?” he asks, pointing to the spider webbed glass to his left. 

“Yeah, she tried to break the glass. That’s why you’re here, to make sure she doesn’t. Or, you know, exploit some other weakness in the enclosure,” he waves his hand around, tapping buttons as he talked. Truth be told he didn’t think there were any weaknesses, he designed all of the enclosures and he’d never had one fail yet, he didn’t think this one would. However it was best to be cautious when dealing with something that would eat people, he at least was not fond of being eaten by anything let alone his own creations.  

“Hey, lower some of whatever you feed her,” he tells whoever is in control of the crane. He figured if Steve actually saw what he was dealing with that might help with his assessment.  

“She’s in there by herself?” Steve asks as food gets dropped. 

“Yeah, she had a sibling in case she didn’t survive infancy but she kind of ate her. Is this relevant?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.  

Steve is already shaking his head because he’s obviously no fun at all, “animals raised with no socialization skills don’t do well, eating siblings doesn’t exactly bode well either,” he says, examining the space in front of him. All Tony saw was trees, which was kind of odd considering food was just placed in there. 

“Any other incidents that are notable?” Steve asks, clearly suspicious of the situation. 

“Yeah, she, ugh, nearly took Nat’s arm off. Nat didn’t react well to that, you know how she is, that’s why we have that,” Tony gestures to the crane. 

Steve shakes his head, “great, the most positive reaction that animal has had is with a machine, I’m sure this will end fantastically,” he says sarcastically. Tony resists the urge to roll his eyes and ignores Steve’s passive aggressive comments.  

“You don’t seem to have the same reservation with your raptors,” Tony points out. He loved those things whether he’d admit it or not.  

“My raptors imprint on me at birth, I become a regular part of their life and they learn to follow my instructions. This animal lives in a completely isolated world with no positive contact with anyone, which is not even close to the same situation my raptors are in,” he says, fiercely defending his beloved raptors. Toy lets him win, he wasn’t exactly an expert in behaviour of any sorts, he dealt in genetics, behaviour was Steve’s thing.  

“I know I’m not exactly qualified to comment on dinosaur behaviour but isn’t it odd that she isn’t interested in the food?” Tony asks, leaning closer to the glass. 

“Have these scratches always been here?” Steve asks, pointing out the window to a large set of scratches going up the wall. No fucking way, there was no goddamn way that thing jumped the fence; Loki would have told him about any enhanced jumping abilities so he could calculate wall height accordingly.  

“No, but there is  _no way_  that thing jumped to freedom,” he says, certain he was correct.  

Steve sighs heavily, “That depends on what she’s made of,” he says and raises an eyebrow when Tony doesn’t say anything. 

“Ugh, there’s a little tree frog in there?” he says, his voice rising towards the end, making it sound more like a question than a statement.  

Steve laughs humourlessly, shaking his head, “unbefuckinglievable,” he snaps, “you don’t even know what it is?” he yells.  

“Okay, keep your damn socks on, it didn’t jump the fence. Let me find it,” he says somewhat distractedly as he presses buttons to locate the dino via thermal technology. Slowly areas of the enclosure come up empty until they are all clear. 

Tony looks over at the scratches and swears, “The fucking thing jumped the fence. Okay, shit, we have to catch it, I’m going to go to controls and get a location so we can deal with this,” he says, walking out before Steve can berate him or something. 

* 

He speeds the whole way, on the phone with his team so they could deal with this before it became a fucking disaster. He gets there as the team is pulling up the tracking device on the dinosaur for a location. “Ugh,” Happy says, “it hasn’t left the cage…” They all look over to Steve and a couple other people in the enclosure examining the scratches on the wall. Fuck.  

He calls Steve as someone else radios the guard; Steve picks up on the third ring, “where is it?” Steve asks, fuzzing in and out. Shit, the damn walls were fucking with reception. 

“It’s in the cage, get out,  _get out_!” he yells as Happy delivers the same message to his guy. Judging from the reactions on camera neither Steve nor the security guy got the message clearly. Unfortunately the roar of the dinosaur delivers their message for them. Steve and the two other guys turn around and run, the security guard immediately starts to open the door to the enclosure. Tony smacks Happy to tell his guy not to fucking do that but the radio signals got fucked up by the damn walls so the message didn’t get through.  

Steve and the other guy make it like ten feet before the dinosaur appears and lets out another roar, sending them back toward the security guard at full speeds. The second guy trips, half falling with the dinosaur on his ass. Steve looks behind him and slows down, probably dumb enough to try and go back, but the dino scoops the other guy up and proceeds to  _fucking eat him_  so Steve picks up speed towards the now closing enclosure door.  

“Fuck, this is a goddamn disaster,” Tony mumbles to himself as Steve runs at top speeds towards the door. The good news was that he made it through before it closed; the bad news was that the dino also managed to stick its head through before the door closed all the way and it was stronger than the door closing machinery. “Call everyone to deal with this; we’re prepared for situations like this. Get a couple teams out there to bring this thing in before this gets worse,” he snaps as the dino looks around outside the enclosure door. 

Steve had already dived under a car but the security guard had been dumb enough to hide in front of one of the cars, making his scent much easier to find. He had no idea why the hell the guard didn’t just drive off with one of the vehicles; he had the time to do so. Obviously he didn’t think well under pressure. Happy starts calling out commands and people start jumping to comply.  

The dino scents the air, nosing around the car the security guard was in front of. Mercifully Steve didn’t try and play hero and stayed in place. Tony half expected the dino to give up and take off when the car goes flying and the security guard gets eaten.  _Fuck_. Steve still stays where he is and Tony prays to a god he didn’t even believe in that Steve didn’t get eaten next. 

The dino noses around the car, obviously trying to find Steve but takes off after a minute. For a second Tony is confused as to why it couldn’t smell Steve but after a second of thought he figured Steve cut a break line or something and covered himself in the fluid to cover his scent. At least the thought that’s what Steve did, it was what he would have done.  

“We’ve sent two teams out,” Happy informs him, “do you want us to call people back to the resort?” he asks. 

Tony thinks about this for a second, watching the dino move fast to the left, it was moving towards the people but not directly. “No, for now we try and bring it in without causing panic, which would do more harm than good at this point. Keep the team posted on location,” he says and hopes to hell that was the right call.  


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about genetics, I just plopped in what i remember from the movie, so forgive me for if I am inaccurate lol.

Steve shows up twenty minutes after being nearly eaten looking pissed off and reeking of gas. So he had cut a line to mask his scent, that was smart, and probably the only reason he was still alive. “You need to kill that thing,” he says, not even bothering to greet Tony like a normal human being. 

“That’s a twenty four million dollar dinosaur; I’m not just going to kill it, Steve. Besides, we’re trained to deal with this sort of thing so that’s what we’re doing,” he says in a tone that hopefully conveyed that this was the end of discussion. 

No such luck, “it just  _killed_  two people, Tony! I don’t think it’s salvageable,” Steve yells, flailing his arm around.  

“Look, forgive me if I’m wrong, but eating things that end up in their cage is standard dinosaur behaviour, isn’t it? So yes, two people have died, and yes, that’s awful, but I can’t kill a dinosaur for doing what they do. So yes, I’ve made the decision to bring it in instead of killing it,” he says. That and he had a lot invested in the damn thing, people dying was tragic but there were at least two accidents a year anyways, guess that was this year’s quota.  

“You know what’s not standard dinosaur behaviour? Purposefully scratching up a wall as a distraction, somehow hiding from thermal technology, and contrary to popular belief, dinosaurs don’t eat people because we don’t taste that great. They just maim us to death because they’re pissed off that we taste like shit, now  _kill the damn thing_ ,” he says, planting his hands on his hips. Very dramatic, Tony thought, but he was the king of dramatics and Steve hadn’t convinced him of much.  

“Deploy the teams,” Tony says and Steve makes a frustrated noise behind him. They elect to ignore each other in favour of watching the screens as the teams carefully comb the forest where the dinosaur was located.  

“Ugh,” one of the guys says and holds up a fleshy chunk of tracker, “I don’t think it’s here any- ahhhh!” he yells as he’s yanked off his feet and into the dinosaur’s mouth. Someone else turns around, giving them eyes in the dinosaur and Tony swears, the damn thing had  _blended itself with the trees_  to avoid detection. The rest of the team is picked off quickly after that, except for Natasha, who lands one good blow in the dinosaur with a stun gun and runs for her life. Tony fully expected her to live, the woman was shockingly resilient.  

“Now will you use lethal means to bring her in?” Steve asks, glaring at Tony as if he was personally responsible for this mess. In part he was, he was the one who funded it, but really, nothing in the park’s past indicated this would be an issue. The park’s fictional namesake Jurassic Park aside this came pretty much out of nowhere, it wasn’t like they didn’t have other lethal dinosaurs around either. The worst thing that had happened was a few people falling into the mosasaurus tank two years after they first opened.  

“I’m going to ask Loki what the fuck was in that dinosaur, Happy, track it to the best of your abilities using cameras and find a way to take it out,” he instructs him and leaves, ignoring Steve following behind him. 

* 

Loki seemed unsurprised to find them in his lab, “something wrong?” he asks casually, examining something under a microscope.  

“Yes, something is wrong,” Steve snaps and Tony holds up his hand to shut him up. 

“What the hell did you make that dinosaur out of?” he asks. Loki sighs heavily, as if dealing with Tony was some hardship he shouldn’t have to suffer. 

“A few things,” he says, clearly not understanding or caring about the gravity of the situation. 

“For fuck sakes Loki, tell me what was in there, what the hell did you stick in that thing that would allow it hide from thermal technology and blend with its surroundings?” he snaps, having no patience for Loki’s shit. 

Loki looks intrigued, “fascinating…” he says. Tony takes a deep breath to keep from strangling Loki and gestures for him to continue. “Tree frogs can consciously alter their temperature, cuttlefish change colour to blend with their surroundings when hunting,” he shrugs and goes back to examining his microscope slide. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? I told you to make something new and interesting, not something that can escape its cage and blend in with its fucking surroundings, on what planet would that be a good idea?” he snaps, flapping his hands around. Steve is giving him looks but he ignores him, the last thing he needed was Steve’s ever-present judgement.  

Loki looks up and lets out another dramatic sigh, “you told me, and this is a quote, ‘making something bigger, scarier,  _cooler_.’ That’s exactly what I did, don’t get pissed off at me because you don’t understand how genetics work,” he snaps. 

Tony raises his eyebrows, “excuse you? I don’t understand genetics? I was the one who made  _all_  of his possible, your work would not exist without mine, fuck you very much!” he yells. He cannot  _believe_  Loki would say that, the arrogant little fuck.  

“Well, then you should fully understand that you can’t take only the good attributes from whatever you use to fill the genome with, if my creation backfired on you, that’s your fault,” he says. 

“Oh fuck off, there are a million and one combinations that you could have used to fill the gaps that wouldn’t result in a dinosaur that is able to hide from thermal technology and blend in with its surroundings and you know it, don’t you dare pin this on me,” he snarls, stepping closer to Loki, “I said make something cool, not make something that’ll fuck us all over.” 

Loki leans in too, “I did what you asked, don’t get pissed off at me because your idiot idea got people killed.” They glare at each other until Tony’s phone rings and interrupts the tension in the room. 

“What?” he snaps into the receiver. 

“Ugh,” Happy says brilliantly, “the ugh, the dino is headed fast towards the furthest edges of the park, what do you want us to do?” he says, gaining his bearings a little towards the end. 

Tony sighs and rubs his eyes, “evacuate to the resort, that should give us enough space to deal with this,” he says and hangs up, prepared to go back and oversee that people got out safely. “And you, I told you to make something that would bring more tourists, not make to make a monster. The problem wasn’t my instructions, it was your interpretation,” he says, curling his lip at Loki. 

Loki rolls his eyes, “the term ‘monster’ is subjective Stark, to a canary a cat is a monster, it’s hardly my fault we’re used to being that cat versus the canary,” Loki shrugs and goes back to his work.  

* 

He’s halfway back to control when he remembers, shit, he has a kid that he should probably check on to make sure she isn’t dead or something. He digs his phone out of his pocket and calls Spencer’s number, hoping she was more like her mother than him when it came to phone calls. For the most part he ignored things unless something went wrong, Pepper was always on the ball.  

“What?” she snaps into the receiver. The static starts almost immediately and he swears. 

“Where are you?” he asks, hoping she caught that. 

“In one of those hamster ball things,” her voice cuts out so he misses whatever she says after that. 

“Well get out and get back to the-” the phone call drops and he swears again. Pepper was going to kill him, then bring him back to life and kill him again for good measure. He tries to call back but the call won’t connect so he gives up, figuring he’d try again in a few minutes.  

“Are you okay,” Steve asks hesitantly, looking at Tony out of the corner of his eye.  

“Am I okay? What kind of stupid question is that?” he snaps, “I have a man eating dinosaur on the loose, a kid doing god knows what, twenty two thousand other people in danger, and like fifteen dead people to deal with. No, I am not okay, I’m freaking the fuck out,” he yells punching the dashboard. He swears and cradles his hand, that hurt more than expected.  

Steve laughs softly and Tony glares at him because this was so not funny. “You’ve never been in a fight, have you?” he asks. 

“The fuck kind of question is that?” Tony mutters, answering Steve’s question without actually telling him flat out. 

“You don’t know how to make a proper fist, that’s punching the dash hurt so much,” Steve says. 

Tony snorts, “and here I thought punching hard plastic was the cause of my pain,” he says sarcastically. 

“Well that too,” Steve says, “but if you had’ve made a proper fist you wouldn’t have hurt yourself as much.” Tony doesn’t reply to that, he just looks out the window until they get back to control to oversee the evacuation.  

By the time Tony gets there the crowds were moving steadily backwards towards the resort, thankfully. Happy seemed to be tracking the dinosaur through thermal tech now that it was no longer hiding from it, which was much more efficient than trying to capture images on camera. Tony scanned the screens, making sure everyone was doing what they were supposed to when he spotted that one of the hamster balls was in a restricted area. He swears under his breath, that had better not be his kid. Too bad he was too smart to know it was anyone else, just his fucking luck. 

He calls Spencer again, thankfully connecting this time, but she doesn’t answer. “God damn it,” he snaps and storms out, fully prepared to go collect his damn child.  

“Whoa,” Steve says, stepping in front of him, “where are you going?” he asks. 

“See the only hamster ball that isn’t moving towards the resort? I’ll bet ten bucks that’s Spencer. I don’t have luck good enough for it not to be her,” he says and steps around Steve. 

“Wait,” he says, catching up with Tony quickly, “you sure as hell aren’t going on your own, you’d probably die within ten minutes,” he says and pulls Tony towards the jeep he drove in after almost getting eaten. 

“Excuse you, I would not die within ten minutes,” he says, offended. 

“Tony, you can’t even punch right. Now call Spencer again, maybe she’ll answer this time,” he instructs as they get into the vehicle.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This goes a little more off canon than I intended but ehh, it was only meant to loosely follow the film anyways. Enjoy!

There were about a million and one things on Spencer’s To Do list before she died, getting eaten by a dinosaur was absolutely not on that list but that’s what was about to happen if that thing decided she was more interesting than the dinosaur in front of her. She didn’t think that kind of dinosaur would be allowed to roam free but it didn’t take long for Tony’s panicked call and the recall to the resort to clue her in that duh, that thing was not supposed to be chilling outside its cage.

So she sits upside down and hopes like hell the dinosaur is content with killing the anklosarus and leaving her the hell alone. It probably would have worked but her asshat sperm donor chose then to take an interest in her life, ironically he was probably ending it. The phone vibrates against the glass of the ball, having fallen out of her pocket when she got smacked around in the previous dino fight. She held her breath, hoping fruitlessly that whatever the hell was in front of her was not interested in human, most dinosaurs didn’t actually eat humans… she hoped.

The buzzing continues and she doesn’t dare try to turn the thing off or move in any way out of fear of being eaten. The dinosaur bends to look into the glass ball at her, blinks, and then lifts its head. She breaths a sigh of relief until the ball starts moving, spinning closer to the dinosaur. Shit, this was so not good. The dinosaur tried to grasp the ball mostly unsuccessfully until it sticks its fucking claw through the glass, if it was possible she would have noped the hell out of there but she was a wee bit trapped. She hoped her mother felt guilty for sending her here to get killed, she told her this was a bad idea but no, god forbid she listen to her kid. The dinosaur pulls the ball closer and opens its mouth wide, she winces and waits somewhat impatiently for her death. If she was going to die she wanted to go fast.

The dinosaur’s mouth closes over the sphere and clenches down, spidering the glass a little but not actually breaking it. She risks looking up and regrets it when she looks down the damn dinosaur’s throat. She was not at all fond of being the next thing down that thing’s throat but she didn’t have much of a choice unless she managed to figure a way out of there fast. The ball lifts in the dinosaur’s jaws an it slams the ball against the ground. The glass breaks but not completely. The ball lifts again and this time when it falls the glass breaks all the way.

The ball lifts and falls one more time before Spencer figures out a way to save her ass and undoes the buckle that strapped her to her seat. She falls to the ground as the ball slams down again and when it lifts she runs like hell. Unfortunately the dinosaur wasn’t and idiot and followed her at a pace that was way to fucking fast for her liking. Frankly moving towards her at all was too fast for her liking.

She reaches the edge of a cliff and pauses, almost falling over, and looks back to the dinosaur. She looks over the cliff and back at the fast approaching probable cause of her death. Well, jumping the hell off this thing it was, that sure as hell beat being dino food. She jumps off the cliff just as the dinosaur reaches it, narrowly missing the thing’s jaws. The teeth on that thing were close enough she felt them brush her clothing and that did not sit well with her. She spins in the air and shoot the thing the finger with both hands, “not today!” she yells as she descends into the water. This story was _so_ going to get her laid if she survived this.        

*       

Tony has never had very good luck with anything besides money but he sure as hell could not anticipate the shittiness that this particular day was about to heap upon him. After attempting to call Spencer again and failing again he gave up, figuring he’d find her before she picked up her fucking phone. “Hey, ugh, those ball things are dinosaur proof, right?” Steve asks, looking concerned.

Tony sighs, “Mostly yes, but this particular dinosaur has managed to escape its cage, kill two team’s worth of people, camouflage itself from cameras and people, and whatever else I forgot. It wouldn’t really surprise me if it could break the hamster balls too.” He really fucking hoped not but his luck was always paper thin and Steve and Nat already managed to escape being eaten, he didn’t think he had much more luck in there.

“She’ll be okay,” Steve says quietly. Yeah, that was easy for him to say, he wasn’t the one with the kid his ex would murder him for killing by accident. Also he did kind of like Spencer in an irritating pet kind of way but he figured he’d keep that one to himself; something told him it was unacceptable to compare a child to a pet. They drive in silence, getting no updates from Happy about the dinosaur, which Tony decided was a good thing. No updates meant no bad news, or they were all killed by the dinosaur but he was pretty sure he would have gotten a call that it was close to the lab before that happened.

Steve cuts off road, close to the hamster ball’s last location and things get a little bumpy for a few minutes. Fortunately, or unfortunately, they find the ball Spencer-less, smashed, and upside down. He spots her phone sitting just outside the ball and swears, “Shit… shit, Pepper is going to fucking kill-” he looks over and drops the phone, going immediately speechless when he spotted which dinosaur, exactly, was killed before Spencer was maybe eaten.

“No, no, no, no, no, not you, not… Jarvis?” he asks, moving closer to the dinosaur. He didn’t have to move forward, not really, he would know Jarvis anywhere, he _made_ Jarvis. “No, why did the damn thing have to kill you,” he says, his voice breaking a bit. He falls to his knees at what was left of Jarvis’ head and starts to cry.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Steve snaps behind him, “you don’t cry over your kid but you cry over a designer dinosaur?” he asks, judgement heavy in his voice.

“Oh fuck you!” he yells, getting back to his feet so he can face Steve, “I don’t know what it is with you people and thinking that sharing DNA somehow makes an instant emotional bond or some shit, that doesn’t even make sense! I’ve known of Spencer’s existence for less than forty eight hours and had her dumped on me this morning, how the fuck am I supposed to care about her that fast? Jarvis? I’ve known him for years, he’s my _first_ creation and I was there for every step in his development. I know _everything_ about Jarvis, frankly he’s more my kid than the product of a love affair I had fifteen years ago and didn’t even know about,” he sighs, “not that Spencer doesn’t matter, she does obviously. But you can’t expect me to care about her like I do Jarvis, it’s not fair to think I’d love her more, or at all, just because of a blood relation. Love doesn’t work like that,” he says, almost whispering.

Steve looks sufficiently shamed but Tony doesn’t want his sympathies. He gives Jarvis one last look and walks away before the dinosaur comes back and eats him too. It doesn’t take him long to find Spencer’s foot prints, it wasn’t like he needed to be a professional to see them. He was pretty sure that Steve was in the army before he worked here; maybe he had some expertise in this field. He follows her prints to the edge of a cliff, “are you kidding me? She made it this far and got eaten? Man, natural selection kicked my genetics’ ass,” he says sadly. He was kind of hoping Spencer wasn’t dead, he wasn’t _that_ opposed to having kids.

“She wasn’t eaten, she jumped,” Steve says, pointing to the edge of the water where he apparently saw something Tony didn’t, “she crawled up onto shore over there. Let’s go,” he says, walking off and expecting Tony to follow. He does because what the hell else is he supposed to do?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This goes a little more off canon than I intended but ehh, it was only meant to loosely follow the film anyways. Enjoy!

There were about a million and one things on Spencer’s To Do list before she died, getting eaten by a dinosaur was absolutely not on that list but that’s what was about to happen if that thing decided she was more interesting than the dinosaur in front of her. She didn’t think that kind of dinosaur would be allowed to roam free but it didn’t take long for Tony’s panicked call and the recall to the resort to clue her in that duh, that thing was not supposed to be chilling outside its cage.

So she sits upside down and hopes like hell the dinosaur is content with killing the anklosarus and leaving her the hell alone. It probably would have worked but her asshat sperm donor chose then to take an interest in her life, ironically he was probably ending it. The phone vibrates against the glass of the ball, having fallen out of her pocket when she got smacked around in the previous dino fight. She held her breath, hoping fruitlessly that whatever the hell was in front of her was not interested in human, most dinosaurs didn’t actually eat humans… she hoped.

The buzzing continues and she doesn’t dare try to turn the thing off or move in any way out of fear of being eaten. The dinosaur bends to look into the glass ball at her, blinks, and then lifts its head. She breaths a sigh of relief until the ball starts moving, spinning closer to the dinosaur. Shit, this was so not good. The dinosaur tried to grasp the ball mostly unsuccessfully until it sticks its fucking claw through the glass, if it was possible she would have noped the hell out of there but she was a wee bit trapped. She hoped her mother felt guilty for sending her here to get killed, she told her this was a bad idea but no, god forbid she listen to her kid. The dinosaur pulls the ball closer and opens its mouth wide, she winces and waits somewhat impatiently for her death. If she was going to die she wanted to go fast.

The dinosaur’s mouth closes over the sphere and clenches down, spidering the glass a little but not actually breaking it. She risks looking up and regrets it when she looks down the damn dinosaur’s throat. She was not at all fond of being the next thing down that thing’s throat but she didn’t have much of a choice unless she managed to figure a way out of there fast. The ball lifts in the dinosaur’s jaws an it slams the ball against the ground. The glass breaks but not completely. The ball lifts again and this time when it falls the glass breaks all the way.

The ball lifts and falls one more time before Spencer figures out a way to save her ass and undoes the buckle that strapped her to her seat. She falls to the ground as the ball slams down again and when it lifts she runs like hell. Unfortunately the dinosaur wasn’t and idiot and followed her at a pace that was way to fucking fast for her liking. Frankly moving towards her at all was too fast for her liking.

She reaches the edge of a cliff and pauses, almost falling over, and looks back to the dinosaur. She looks over the cliff and back at the fast approaching probable cause of her death. Well, jumping the hell off this thing it was, that sure as hell beat being dino food. She jumps off the cliff just as the dinosaur reaches it, narrowly missing the thing’s jaws. The teeth on that thing were close enough she felt them brush her clothing and that did not sit well with her. She spins in the air and shoot the thing the finger with both hands, “not today!” she yells as she descends into the water. This story was _so_ going to get her laid if she survived this.        

*       

Tony has never had very good luck with anything besides money but he sure as hell could not anticipate the shittiness that this particular day was about to heap upon him. After attempting to call Spencer again and failing again he gave up, figuring he’d find her before she picked up her fucking phone. “Hey, ugh, those ball things are dinosaur proof, right?” Steve asks, looking concerned.

Tony sighs, “Mostly yes, but this particular dinosaur has managed to escape its cage, kill two team’s worth of people, camouflage itself from cameras and people, and whatever else I forgot. It wouldn’t really surprise me if it could break the hamster balls too.” He really fucking hoped not but his luck was always paper thin and Steve and Nat already managed to escape being eaten, he didn’t think he had much more luck in there.

“She’ll be okay,” Steve says quietly. Yeah, that was easy for him to say, he wasn’t the one with the kid his ex would murder him for killing by accident. Also he did kind of like Spencer in an irritating pet kind of way but he figured he’d keep that one to himself; something told him it was unacceptable to compare a child to a pet. They drive in silence, getting no updates from Happy about the dinosaur, which Tony decided was a good thing. No updates meant no bad news, or they were all killed by the dinosaur but he was pretty sure he would have gotten a call that it was close to the lab before that happened.

Steve cuts off road, close to the hamster ball’s last location and things get a little bumpy for a few minutes. Fortunately, or unfortunately, they find the ball Spencer-less, smashed, and upside down. He spots her phone sitting just outside the ball and swears, “Shit… shit, Pepper is going to fucking kill-” he looks over and drops the phone, going immediately speechless when he spotted which dinosaur, exactly, was killed before Spencer was maybe eaten.

“No, no, no, no, no, not you, not… Jarvis?” he asks, moving closer to the dinosaur. He didn’t have to move forward, not really, he would know Jarvis anywhere, he _made_ Jarvis. “No, why did the damn thing have to kill you,” he says, his voice breaking a bit. He falls to his knees at what was left of Jarvis’ head and starts to cry.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Steve snaps behind him, “you don’t cry over your kid but you cry over a designer dinosaur?” he asks, judgement heavy in his voice.

“Oh fuck you!” he yells, getting back to his feet so he can face Steve, “I don’t know what it is with you people and thinking that sharing DNA somehow makes an instant emotional bond or some shit, that doesn’t even make sense! I’ve known of Spencer’s existence for less than forty eight hours and had her dumped on me this morning, how the fuck am I supposed to care about her that fast? Jarvis? I’ve known him for years, he’s my _first_ creation and I was there for every step in his development. I know _everything_ about Jarvis, frankly he’s more my kid than the product of a love affair I had fifteen years ago and didn’t even know about,” he sighs, “not that Spencer doesn’t matter, she does obviously. But you can’t expect me to care about her like I do Jarvis, it’s not fair to think I’d love her more, or at all, just because of a blood relation. Love doesn’t work like that,” he says, almost whispering.

Steve looks sufficiently shamed but Tony doesn’t want his sympathies. He gives Jarvis one last look and walks away before the dinosaur comes back and eats him too. It doesn’t take him long to find Spencer’s foot prints, it wasn’t like he needed to be a professional to see them. He was pretty sure that Steve was in the army before he worked here; maybe he had some expertise in this field. He follows her prints to the edge of a cliff, “are you kidding me? She made it this far and got eaten? Man, natural selection kicked my genetics’ ass,” he says sadly. He was kind of hoping Spencer wasn’t dead, he wasn’t _that_ opposed to having kids.

“She wasn’t eaten, she jumped,” Steve says, pointing to the edge of the water where he apparently saw something Tony didn’t, “she crawled up onto shore over there. Let’s go,” he says, walking off and expecting Tony to follow. He does because what the hell else is he supposed to do?


	6. Chapter 6

They had been wandering around in the damn forest for the better part of an hour and his feet hurt, “oh my god, if she was eaten I wouldn’t have blisters right now,” he whines. Steve fixes him with a very judgemental glare that he ignores. Obviously he didn’t actually want his kid to have been eaten, but it would have saved him a lot of trouble. He wasn’t going to lie to himself, just because it was insensitive doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.

“No wonder she hates you,” Steve shoots back. He makes an offended noise, it was hardly his fault he didn’t know she existed until two days ago and couldn’t develop instant emotional connections, that was mostly Pepper’s fault. He was going to make some snotty and no doubt very witty comment back when they hear an engine take off. Steve takes off towards the noise and he runs after him, complaining about his blisters the whole way.

They arrive at the abandoned science lab, the one he had ditched here because they were expanding and it was too close to the dinosaurs for his liking, and find tire tracks. Steve frowns but Tony knows exactly where to go and heads off to the garage section, Steve following reluctantly behind.

“She managed to get one of these working?” he asks, running his hand over one of the jeep hoods. He wasn’t sure why he had left them here, it appeared there was only two, but he supposed it didn’t matter.

“Pep said she took after me that way, that she was a genius. Clearly she knows her cars,” he says, impressed with his child’s skill. If he was fourteen and being chased down by a dinosaur he didn’t think he’d be able to calm himself down enough to fix a car and drive off in it. He really hoped she didn’t drive like he did as a teen or they no longer had to worry about the dinosaur killing her. That is, of course, when the ground shakes as a large animal steps down and they hear a growl. Steve quickly dives behind the remaining jeep and pulls Tony down with him, gesturing for him to be quite. He had no fucking problem listening to that.

The dinosaur stomps around a little out front and Tony thinks maybe he could count his lucky stars but then the dinosaur ruins it by sticking its head through the garage opening. Its nose appears beside Steve, who looks remarkably calm, and sniffs. It nudges its head against the jeep, moving it a little and Tony bites down on his lip hard to avoid screaming. He was weak, he’d admit it, frankly it was a damn miracle he hadn’t shit himself yet. If he was lucky Steve still smelled more like gas than people and that would mask both his and Steve’s scents. The dino retracts its head and Steve waits a couple of seconds before reaching around the jeep and snatching a gun Tony hadn’t even seen there. Did Steve have that the whole time? He really should be more observant.

He starts to think maybe they were safe when the dinosaur’s head smashes through the damn roof. This time he lets out a loud screech and takes off, Steve close behind him. He turns around a corner and dashes to the other end of the lab towards the nearest exit. Steve was faster though so he got there and held the door, waiting for him to catch up. He runs past Steve and doesn’t bother to look back, if Steve didn’t follow it was natural selection and therefore not his fault.

Steve catches up quickly though, giving him a weird look at they run the hell away from the roaring dinosaur.

*

They were walking again when Tony gets a call from Happy. Steve smacks him in the head when the ring tone goes off, “turn that thing off!” he snaps.

“I can’t I’m the one in charge, remember? I’ll put it on vibrate,” he says, compromising and answering the phone. Happy tells him that the dinosaur was near the old lab, which Tony tells him he already knew because he was following the stupid thing. For a second Happy doesn’t know how to respond to that but he eventually continues, telling him they have someone in the air to try and take out the dinosaur that way. He nods along and tells them to hurry it up; this was causing a freakish amount of damage.

He hangs up the phone and puts it on vibrate and Steve smacks him again, “ouch, stop abusing me,” he whines.

“Then use your fucking head,” Steve snaps, “if your phone went off ten minutes ago we would have been dead.” Steve is back to giving him judgemental looks and Tony rolls his eyes.

“In case you forgot we didn’t need the phone to almost get eaten, thanks. I will do as I please, like a cat,” he says, sticking his nose in the air and walking faster. They come to the edge of the cliff that overlooked the aviary.

“Wait is that-” Steve stops talking at the dinosaur bursts through the aviary wall.

Tony pulls his phone out and calls Happy, “yeah, guys, it just went through the aviary,” he says, “I suggest you send air traffic there.”

“You mean it’s by the aviary?” Happy asks.

“No, I mean it went through the fucking glass, get the helicopter here now before we have a whole new dino problem,” he yells into the phone and hangs up. Steve swears as the pteranodons start flying through the hole of the aviary.

“God Damnit, this park is so fucked, we are never reopening,” he says, running his hand through his hair.

Steve glares at him, “really? That’s what you’re worried about-”

He probably would have continued but Tony cuts him off, “yes, that’s what I’m worried about! This is my livelihood, I’ve spent nearly twenty years of my live dedicated to this, dedicated to showing people a glimpse into the past, to showing them what science can do. Now all of that is flushed down the drain, I will never get to see the look on a child’s face when they see a dinosaur in real life for the first time, and no child will ever experience that again. Do I not have a right to be upset about that or do I have to act like the stoic bad boy soldier who trains velociraptors and never cracks under pressure or does anything selfish for my worries be considered legitimate?” he snarls, stomping in the other direction.   

He hears the helicopter flying in their direction but he ignores in in favour of heading back into the woods. “Tony,” Steve says, running to catch up, “wait,” he says, trying to stop Tony by stepping in front of him.

He tries to walk around him but Steve grabs his arm, “wait,” he says again, softer this time.

Tony pulls his arm free, “no, don’t tell me to do, you don’t get the right to try and act like you want to hear what I have to say now. I mean, I’m just some ‘superficial narcissistic billionaire with an ego a mile wide with absolutely nothing of value to offer the world’, right?” he snaps. He didn’t blame Steve for having that opinion; not really, it wasn’t like he opened up to… well, anyone. That didn’t mean the person he portrayed himself as was actually who he was and it always stung when people didn’t even bother to try and see what was underneath.

Steve winces, “you weren’t supposed to hear that, and even so, that was months ago. You can’t know that I still think that,” he says, doing a shit job at trying to save face.

“I think your reaction to nearly everything I’ve done today tells me more than enough about what you think of me,” he says, exhausted. He would have thought at the very least someone would try and stick around to get to his money but apparently people found him so abhorrent that conning him out of billions of dollars wasn’t even worth it.

There is a crash behind them and they both turn, watching the helicopter go through the top of the aviary. “Well that’s just great, now all the pteranodons will escape,” he snaps as he watches the remaining creatures fly out of the hole, heading their way.

“To the trees,” Steve yells, running off. Tony stood there mostly out of spite, well aware that he was being childish but the pteranodons would probably be more interested in the trees than him anyways. Steve seems to realize he wasn’t following and runs back, trying to pull his towards the trees with little success.

A pteranodon smacks into them, sending them to the ground. Tony rolls and picks himself back up, glaring at the stupid pteranodon, it roars at him and he promptly kicks it in the head, narrowly missing cutting his leg on its beak. Steve stares for a second and picks himself back up and drags Tony off. This time he goes but because he wants to, not because Steve told him to.

“You could have had some very important bits taken off by that thing, what the hell encouraged you to kick it in the head?” Steve yells.

“I imagined it was you,” he yells back, pulling his arm out of Steve’s grip.

“You are so fucking petty!” Steve yells at him.

“I hope the pteranodons peck your eyes out!” he snaps and picks up the pace.


	7. Chapter 7

They end up back at the resort just after the pteranodons reach it, hoping that Spencer stayed on the road that lead back there. Tony ditches Steve at the gates when he decides to go to the nearest team of people with tranquillizers for the pteranodons in favour of trying to find his kid. People were running in the general direction of aways from the pteranodons and that was making things a bit difficult, especially because Spencer had brown hair. Literally everyone had fucking brown hair, did _no one_ dye it? He runs past a margarita stand and runs back, snatching two abandoned drinks and running off again. If he was going to die he was not going to do it sober.

Pteranodons starts falling out of the air, presumably because they were being tranquillized, which only made running harder because now he had to deal with people and the fact that it was raining pteranodons. One drops right in front of him and he jumps, spilling the drinks, which pissed him off. He looks back and Steve smirks at him, he was so firing him when this was done. Everyone would probably be jobless, but Steve was going to be jobless because Tony fired him god damnit.

He finds Spencer dodging pteranodons and heading in the general direction the crowd was going, “oh my god, thank the lord,” he yells and skitters to a stop in front of her.

“No shit!” she yells and snatches a margarita. She downs it before he has a chance t snatch it back and then the little shit goes to steal the other one.

“No, you’re a fetus, you shouldn’t be drinking!” he yells and drags her off before they get smacked with a falling pteranodon.

“I am not a fetus!” she yells but allows him to drag her off. They dodge a few more pteranodons and head towards shelter while the team of people firing tranquillizers moved along with them at the back of the crowd. Someone shoves him out of their way and he goes crashing into Spencer and the two hit the ground. Thankfully he managed to save most of his drink.

He scrambles into a sitting position just as a pteranodon comes down and slides, heading straight towards him. He scoots back and moves his drink out of the way as the pteranodon comes to a stop, the tip of its beak nearly touching his nose, “well that could have been a disaster, you already snatched half the drinks I took and that thing nearly took out the other,” he says lightly. Mostly he was glad that he didn’t get skewered but he wasn’t going to say that out loud.

“Well it’s nice to know where I get my shit priorities from,” Spencer says and picks herself up. He quickly follows and they run off towards shelter. He runs past Steve standing on a car shooting the pteranodons out of the air and doesn’t pay attention to him until he hears someone smack into the ground behind him. He sighs and looks back to find Steve on the verge of being eaten.

“He’s cute, save him!” Spencer yells. He gives her an odd look but complies; picking up Steve’s dropped gun and smacking the pteranodon with it before shooting the thing twice.

Steve looks back and forth between him and the fallen dinosaur, “thanks,” he says, sounding surprised.

“Yeah whatever, just be lucky I didn’t shoot you too,” he snaps. Steve pulls himself to his feet and kissed Tony, he drops the gun out of surprise.

Steve pulls away, “now let’s avoid dying,” he says and turns away, leaving Tony confused and a little aroused. Mostly confused though. Steve seems to realize he isn’t following and comes back to drag him along.

Tony realizes he forgot the margarita by the pteranodon he nearly got skewered on and swears, upset at his loss. Steve gives him an odd look but Tony ignores it in favour of the guy who had the same idea he did and makes his way over, snatching a drink and disappearing into the crowd. “Are you serious?” Steve yells.

“Hell yeah!” Spencer yells and tries to snatch this drink too. He flicks her in the nose and moves out of her range. Steve decides to insert himself between the two to avoid bloodshed over the drink.

“You people need to get your fucking priorities straight. Now get in that jeep up ahead,” he instructs and moves faster. Spencer and Tony pick up the pace and Tony manages to stave off the child trying to steal his booze. He flings himself into the passenger seat and Spencer quickly jumps into the back, complaining instantly that she was not in the front.

“Think of this way, if a dinosaur crashes through the windshield, you’ll live!” Steve says with fake enthusiasm and hits the gas, driving in reverse and somehow missing the running people. He turns quickly and then turns again, safely tucking them between buildings as a larger crowd goes running through.

Tony quickly drinks the margarita and tosses the glass out the window, he would have preferred a bottle of something stronger but he had been under a bit of a time crunch so he had to deal with it he supposed. “You know what, you should shut up about priorities, you totally planted one on Tony and dino attacks are no place for kisses!” Spencer says, outraged.

“Yeah, I just didn’t want to die sober, can you blame me?” Tony throws in. The look Steve gives him indicates that, yes, Steve can and will blame him.

His phone goes off so he chooses to pay attention to that rather than Steve’s bitch face, “yeah?” he answers, choosing to forgo any sort of greeting.

“You’re alive!” Happy yells, sounding his namesake.

“Ugh, yeah?” he says, making a face, “am I supposed to be dead?” he asks.

“Well Zola and a bunch of other people came in here like ten minutes ago and claimed you were killed by the escaped pteranodons. Tony they have this insane plan to use the raptors to-”

“Use the raptors?” Tony echoes, cutting Happy off. Steve swears and hits the gas, narrowly missing the last of the running crowd. Tony hits the back of the seat and struggles to right himself as he tells Happy that he will deal with this.

It didn’t take long to get to the raptor enclosure; Steve barely put the thing in park before he jumped out, located Zola, and punched him the face twice. Three times Tony corrects himself as Zola hits the ground when Steve lets go of the front of his shirt.

“Damn, he hates that guy,” Spencer says and lets out a surprised laugh. Tony sighs and drags himself out of the jeep to go deal with Zola and his shit.

“Fuck you, Zola,” Steve snaps and Zola struggles to to his feet with a bloody nose.

“Yeah, fuck you,” Tony throw in, “I’m not dead, but you will be if you don’t explain some shit, I’ll claim dino attack, it isn’t like it wouldn’t be believable now,” he says, crossing his arms.

“Your supposed death was a means to and ends,” Zola says, his German accent sounding thicker than it usually was, probably a reaction to being nervous. “This is happening with or without the two of you,” he tells them and the two of them raise their eyebrows, “besides, you’ll need to put a positive spin on this… mishap, why not let that be the raptors saving the day?” Zola asks.

Steve and Tony exchange looks,” they’re your raptors, I don’t know how this’ll go, I do genetics not… whatever this is,” he says, shrugging.

Steve considers for a minute and sighs, “Fine, but I’m in charger here Zola, it’s me they trust. Frankly you’re lucky I showed up,” he mumbles, “they would have killed you.”

*

“Is this… safe,” Spencer asks, casting the raptors a nervous glance.

“No,” Steve says bluntly and Tony gives him a look, “but we’ve done this sort of thing dozens of times, they know what to do,” he says. Tony doesn’t find that even remotely comforting and judging from the look on Spencer’s face neither did she. “That one is Charlie,” he says, pointing to the raptor furthest from them, thankfully still in a cage, “and that one is Echo, Delta, and Blue, she’’s the beta,” he says. Tony rolls his eyes, yeah; their names were totally going to make this seem a whole lot less terrifying.

“Who’s the alpha?” Spencer asks.

Steve grins, “you’re looking at him.” Tony rolls his eyes even harder at this.

“Well mark me down as scared and horny,” Spencer says, grinning. Steve makes a face and immediately gets back into Tony’s good graces; he smacks the back of Spencer’s head.

“Don’t be gross,” he scolds.

Spencer snorts, “from the guy who probably has an STI named after him,” she wrinkles her nose. Tony makes an offended noise and Steve laughs, immediately falling back out of Tony’s good graces.

“Yeah, it’s called ‘Spencer’” he counters.

Spencer squints at him, “that makes no sense!”

*

Tony set himself up in a van with a screen that played back the feed from the raptors and the people and made Spencer sit in the back area that was usually reserved for whatever animal they had come loose. It was fitting in his opinion.

“Alright,” Steve yells, “we have one good target, do not shoot my raptors! Please,” he throws in as an after thought, “let them go!” he yells. Somewhat thankfully the tracker the dino ripped out served as a good way for the raptor to catch a scent. The raptor go, immediately heading into the woods, the team taking off thirty seconds after them to avoid the raptors taking more of an interest in them than the dino they were supposed to be tracking.

Steve catches up to them quickly on a motorcycle because _that_ was a logical vehicle to drive through the woods. “Your boyfriend is a badass,” Spencer says, grinning, “Does he have any siblings?” Tony sticks his hand over her face and shoves her back into the back area, shutting the screen that separated them.

“They’re slowing down,” someone says, “They’ve got something.” The rest of the team, Steve included, slows down as thee raptors do, lagging behind a little to give the raptors room to work. The raptors come to a stop and so does the team, unloading their gear as the raptors move forward slowly, finding their target.

The dinosaur appears not long after that, roaring at the raptors, who promptly roar back. The team is set up by that point so they sit patiently behind a log with their guns as the raptors do their thing. Only they like, weren’t doing their thing, Tony was no expert but it looked more like they were bonding with their target than hunting it. “Something’s up, they’re communicating,” Steve says, confirming what he had already thought. The dinosaur roars at the raptors and they scatter, “Shoot!” someone yells and they all let loose but Steve, who swears, “watch your back, raptors have new alpha. Woulda been nice to know that thing was part raptor,” he snaps, obviously directing that at Tony. He was offended because hello, Loki was not giving his shit up, that wasn’t his fault. They land a few shots but nothing lethal, not even anything that caused damage really.

It didn’t take long for the raptors to pick off the team after that, in minutes all that was left was a couple of guys, Steve included. Tony swears as Steve pops up on one of the raptor’s cameras, looking at him for a second before tilting its head. Two seconds later the raptor was a little bit everywhere because someone managed to hit it. Would have been nice if they hit the right fucking dinosaur ten minutes before. “Did those raptor just… eat that team?” Spencer asks hesitantly.

“No,” Tony says, technically it wasn’t a lie, the raptors just killed the team, they wouldn’t eat them.   

“Don’t lie!” Spencer says, offended.

“I’m not, dinosaurs don’t eat people unless Loki makes the fucking things, then they go on a god damn killing spree!” he yells, shoving Spencer back into the back of the van. He turns back to the cameras and finds Steve driving towards them, a raptor running along side him but with no apparent interest in eating him. Great, so they only listened to Steve. A second guy was running away from a second raptor, also headed their way. He sighs and scrubs his face with his hands, this was fucking absurd, honestly this shit only happened in movies.

“Ugh you might want to drive,” Spencer says, reappearing to annoy him through the small window. He looks at the screen and swears, the guy on foot was almost out of the woods and headed to him, like actually _to_ him. Fuck that, he wasn’t going to get eaten by Steve’s killer pets; he was sacrificing that guy and driving the fuck away.

He manages to get his shit together just as the guy and the raptor reach the middle of the clearing and he starts driving. Spencer falls from wherever she was and the guy/ raptor combo make it to the van just in time to open the door. Spencer lets out a yelp and shuffles around and the guy is yelling about not wanting to be eaten, “well neither do we, now we’re all gunna die you selfish prick!” she yells. Tony lets out a hysterical laugh and hits the gas, the guy falls out and the raptor bounces on him. Unfortunately it doesn’t waste much time and quickly takes off after them, “oh come on!” Spencer yells and starts shuffling around again.

According to Steve’s camera he still had the one raptor beside him, there was one behind him, and that left one raptor unaccounted for. He really hope Steve found it before it found him and ate him or some shit.

He hears a loud thump and the van shakes, he swears and chances a look back and is rewarded with Spencer shrieking and waving a stick around. “The switch is on the bottom!” he yells to her so she could turn the thing on and electrocute that dino the fuck out of there. He hears the crackle of electricity and the van shakes again as the raptor falls off and Spencer flops to into her seat.

He takes a breath of relief and decides to go back to the lab; they would probably be okay there. Unfortunately he wasn’t so lucky and a raptor jumps at him, head going through the driver’s side window, its jaws nearly taking out Tony’s arms. He lets out an embarrassingly loud shriek that was easily five octaves higher than Spencer’s and significantly louder as the raptor thrashes around, jaws snapping at air before the thing mercifully falls out of the window.

“Holy shit, I think you’re balls have fallen off,” Spencer says, laughing.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he shrieks, “I almost die and you’re making comments about my masculinity? I don’t care if my balls are gone, I’m alive, I’ll live without my balls!” he yells. Spencer is still laughing in the back of the van.

Steve pulls up beside them, “follow me!” he yells, thankfully having lost the raptor sometime in between Tony looking at the screen and and Spencer nearly ending up raptor treats. He only follows because he was heading that way anyways, not because Steve told him to.


	8. Chapter 8

They reach the lab to find the fucking thing empty, apparently having been evacuated without his say so, fucking Zola. He hoped he got eaten by a raptor. They go to make their way out only to find a fucking _raptor_ standing there with its head cocked like it was trying to decide to eat them now or later. Steve stands there with his arms out, “don’t move,” he tells the dinosaur. Spencer and Tony exchange ‘what the fuck’ looks before turning their attention back to Steve and the raptor. The raptor shifts closer and Steve lifts his hand, the raptor slows, apparently following the command. That’s when fucking Zola ruins it by bursting through the door and drawing the attention of the raptor.

Tony barely manages not to shriek loudly and run for his fucking life and that was only because the raptor was stalking off to examine Zola, who was now backed against the window beside the door he burst through a moment before. “Wait, wait, we’re on the same side!” he says, trying to bullshit a dinosaur for some reason. Steve lets out a quiet snort and keeps his eyes on the raptor, Tony and Spencer eye the exit. The raptor actually stops for a second, examining the hand Zola had thrown up in self defence, likely because it was similar to the command Steve had given it earlier.

“Right, good, don’t e _ahhhhh-_ ” he yells as the raptor lunges and takes a chomp out of his arm. Tony lets out a loud yell and runs for the exit, not paying attention if anyone was following him, foot steps told him both Steve and Spencer were following. The raptor takes off after them and it became quickly apparent that he was the slowest. Fuck Darwinism, he was not going to be taken out by natural fucking selection, he was not put on this earth to die that way. Spencer and Steve reach the door, pulling it open and he hit a button on the hologram thing, pulling up some hologram dinosaur that will hopefully distract the raptor. Thankfully the raptor stopped to roar at the hologram and he did not stick around to look back.

“You ass, you totally ran off without us!” Spencer yells at him.

“Oh fuck you; I almost got taken out by Darwin’s natural selection theory! I think I should get a pass!” he yells back. They continue running until the ground shakes and they look back to find Loki’s god damn monster dino behind them. Tony lets out another loud shriek, masculinity be damned, he was allowed to to be terrified of a god damn dinosaur with a taste for human blood. Spencer seems to share this sentiment because she lets out a loud yell too. Steve, the dumb fuck, stands in front of them with his arms spread out like that was going to do anything.

“”Yeah, I think I've had enough of this,” he yells and takes off, remembering to grab Spencer this time. Steve swears and takes off after them and Loki’s dino right behind him.

“You shouldn’t have run!” Steve yells to him.

“Well I wasn’t wasn’t going to be complicit in my own death,” he yells back and promptly skids to a stop when a raptor appears in front of him, “fuck you raptor, I’m the reason your alive!” he yells at it.

“You’re also the reason I’m alive, that means nothing,” Spencer yells at him.

“Don’t be dumb, Pepper is the reason you’re alive, I just had an orgasm, that’s not exactly a difficult or strenuous task, it’s actually pretty awesome. Pregnancy and child birth, not so much,” he yells back.        

“Can we do this later?” Steve yells. The raptors, Tony suddenly notices, are paying attention to Steve’s raised hands. “Alight, now that we’ve got out shit together here, keep back Delta, I see you,” the raptor stops and cocks its head to the side, “I’m not blind you know, and even if I was I could still hear you. Hey, Blue, I see you too, eating Tony might be tempting but you don’t know where he’s been,” Steve says.

Tony makes an offended noise, “excuse you, you weren’t worried about where I was two days ago with my dick in your mouth!” he yells.

Spencer looks disgusted, “ew!” she yells, shuddering.

“Shut up Tony! Echo, don’t you give me this shit,” he says, looking at the third raptor that was slowly creeping forward. Apparently Head Dino there has a problem with this because it roars, presumably telling the raptors to get their shit together and eat them.

The raptors look between Steve and the much larger and, in Tony’s opinion, much scarier option of the two and back again. The raptor with the blue on its back, presumably the one named Blue, turns around to face the larger dinosaur and lets out a rather small roar in comparison to the larger dinosaur. The dino quickly smacks it out of the way and Blue hits the wall, slumping to the ground. Tony jumps, “shit!” he says unintentionally. Thankfully the other two like Steve better because they turn on the dinosaur too, roaring at it. Steve lets out a sharp whistle and the raptors attack, “run,” Steve tells them and shoves him and Spencer forward.

“Great, the part I’m good at!” Tony yells and runs after Steve. The raptors provide a great distraction but realistically they weren’t winning this fight and everyone knew it.

“Hide,” Steve tells them and Tony doesn’t waste any time diving through the broken window of the gift shop, Spencer close behind. Steve… he does something and frankly Tony could care less, call him cowardly, he didn’t care, he was more interested in his life and also Spencer’s because he didn’t want Pepper to kill him.

“It’s time for your balls to make a comeback because if they don’t we’re fucked,” Spencer points out.

“Let me tell you a secret Spencer, despite popular discourse balls suck, I don’t know why people think we should grow them ,they are weak and they get hurt so easily. It’s a shit design, its crap biology, not some symbol of courage or some shit!” he yells. What the hell was he supposed to do? Wha the hell was Steve supposed to do? Aside from hiding there really wasn’t anything they could do without the proper methods.

“Well, you’re not wrong,” a voice says from behind them. He turns and finds Natasha Romanoff standing there looking terrifying despite looking a little haggard. “I have a plan. Find a first aide kit,” she says. Tony happily follows her instructions because Natasha she got shit done and she was good at it.

“Here,” he says and throws her the kit.

She opens it and pulls out a flare, “I’ll be back,” she says and crawls out the window to do whatever it was she was going to do.

“She’s not gunna die is she?” Spencer asks.

“She’s fucked,” Tony decides and Spencer gives him a look. Well he wasn’t going to sugar coat it, whatever her plan was had to be fucking ridiculous, at this point stupid shit was the only thing that could save them. Steve dives out of the dinosaur’s path just before being snatched up by it and the raptors were still at work but that wasn’t going to hold for long, Steve wasn’t even doing any damage with the gun he must have picked up off the ground, left overs from the pteranodons.

He looks around, trying to find anything that would work as a way to save their asses when the ground starts to shake again, “oh fuck no she did not,” he whispers. He looks over to find Nat with the flare in her hand raised high with the fucking T-rex behind her. “We’re double fucked,” he whispers. What the _hell_ had she been thinking?

She throws the flare away from her and at the target, narrowly missing being squished by the T-rex as it attacks the other dinosaur. The raptors seem to realize the T-rex is helping them and they don’t attack it, which is nice at least. Nat almost gets squished like four more times before diving through the window, Steve close behind.

“Whose dumb idea was this?” he snaps, looking at Tony.

“It wasn’t me!” he says, offended that Steve automatically blamed him. Nat takes responsibility and the two start arguing while Tony watches the ensuing fight. The T-rex had the upper hand as far as strength and tooth count went but it was considerably dumber than its target and that was going to be its downfall. Tony looks around, trying to see if there was something else that could save their asses when he realizes how close to the water the dino fight is.

“Ha,” he says quietly and carefully exits out the window. Spencer is the only one who notices, flailing her arms around in question, he flailed his own back in an attempt to tell her to keep her mouth shut.

He picks up a couple rocks as he sneaks past a few more shops until he was close enough to the tank. “This better work, and you people better appreciate this,” he whispers and tosses a rock at the mosasaurus tank, disturbing the calm water. Nothing happens except the dinos moving closer to the tank so he throws another rock, only that one hits the T-rex. He swears and does his best to hide behind a kiosk. Thankfully the T-rex was disinterested in the mystery rock so he throws another one, this one thankfully hitting the water instead of the fucking T-rex. Nothing happens still so he goes to pick up a near by chunk of what used to be a wall when the T-rex knocks the other dinosaur down, right by the cage.

Then the mosasaurus decides not to be a lazy fuck and jumps out of the water, snatching the dino and dragging it underwater much to the T-rex’s surprise. It stares at the water for a few seconds before losing interest and stomping off to do whatever dinosaurs did. Tony sighs a breath of relief and turns around to find Blue the fucking velociraptor staring him down. “Oh come on, I saved the day,” he protests to the uncaring raptor. It cocks it’s head to the side and Tony sighs, accepting that this was obviously pay back for sacrificing Steve to the dinosaurs and hiding. “Blue,” Steve says from behind the raptor. It turns to look and Steve shakes his head, Tony would snort a the absurdity of that but that would probably get him eaten. Blue turns to look at Tony, blinking twice before deciding he wasn’t worth it and running off. Great, now not even the damn dinos wanted him.

“Nice job, if you weren’t so calm Blue probably wouldn’t have listened to me, that was Zola’s mistake,” Steve says, patting his shoulder comfortingly.

“I think you might be mistaking ‘resigned to dying’ with ‘calm’,” he says.

Nat gives him a dirty look, “I saved the day,” she hisses.

“I got got the mosasaurus to eat the dinosaur, I get the credit,” he says, raising an eye brow at her.

“I got the T-rex to fight it over there, without me, you would have looked like more of a fucking idiot that usual,” she says, crossing her arms.

“You both did your parts, now shut up,” Steve snaps.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done guys!

“Twenty four hours, Tony,” Pepper says, glaring at him, “twenty four hours and you nearly kill my child. With a dinosaur.” She was one pissed off lady, not that Tony blamed her necessarily, but this totally was not his fault.

“Ugh, I almost killed twenty two thousand other people too, Pep,” he says, raising an eyebrow.

Spencer squints at him, “how is this helping you?” she asks, confused.

“She’s acting like I tried to kill you specifically, which I didn’t,” he says logically. Steve sighs and buries his face in his hands, clearly under the impression that Tony’s logic was shit.

“I don’t care,” Pepper says smiling tightly. Well shit, he better start planning his funeral because he was not escaping this alive. He should have freaked out when the raptor tried to eat him, that probably would have been less painful than whatever Pepper had planned.

“To be fair he did almost get killed several times himself, he kicked a pteranodon in the head,” Steve says, coming to his defence. Guess he was gunna be buried beside Tony.

Pepper sighs, tight smile still in place, “but you and the red head saved his ass,” she says.

“Hey, I totally got the-”

“I don’t care what you did with the mosasaurus, the red head did all the work, you threw a rock,” he snaps, cutting him off.

“You know what, aside from almost dying like fifty times I think think this visit was a success,” he says.

“Oh my god, do yourself a favour and never, _ever_ say that sentence again, ever,” Spencer says, wincing at his words. Pepper slaps him, hard. He figured he deserved that.

“Still better than almost being eaten by a raptor,” he says, holding his stinging cheek.

“Oh, I figure when twenty thousand plus people sue the shit out of you for nearly killing them it’ll make up for you nearly killing my child,” she says sweetly.

“Ugh, actually they’d probably be suing Loki and the people who funded the dinosaur, which wasn’t actually me, like I’ll get sued too, but I’ll probably still be ridiculously rich,” he says. Steve smacks his palm to his forehead and Pepper takes a step forward, he quickly takes a step back, inexplicably more terrified by Pepper than any of the dinosaurs he almost got eaten by hours before.

“Oh, than I will make you suffer,” she says and he doesn’t doubt it.

“Not the face?” he asks hopefully. 


End file.
